A Story

I joined a group at church called Foundations. It's basically a small group bible study. In the first two weeks, they asked everyone to go around and introduce themselves and how they came to be spiritually in the group, specifically their personal journey to God.
As we went around I found it interesting that so many people their, in this Christian church, had a background in the Catholic church. What does that say when so many people flea a religious upbringing?
When it came to me, I told my story to this journey where I am today. It went something like this...

I was born into Catholism. My parents met at a Catholic High School. We were baptised Catholic and brought to Sunday school and Caticism (CCD). If yo uknow anything about the Catholic religion you know they have this practice of confession. The problem was, as a little girl, I didn't do naughty things. I did what my parents asked. I was helpful and kind to others. So I had nothing to confess. But the priests never believed you. And so I would make up things in confession. Then the next week I would confess I had lied in confession. It was a mockery.
I was also quite astute. So I recognized early on being told to do stuff for God because I loved him, which seemed hypocritical when the collction basket came around.
One night when I was nine and my dad was tucking me in, I told him I didn't want to go to church anymore. I told him that I felt God was in my heart and that I didn't need a priest to talk to him, I just could. I told him that I found the whole church was more questions than answers and thus I wanted no part of it. I was nine and after moving several times across the country and dealing with my nine year old life I was confused enough without the church adding to that. I told my dad I felt God was all araound me, in the wind and the flowers and in all creation that surrounded me always. My dad kissed my head, told me he believed the same and I didn't have to go anymore.
Fast forward eight years and getting married I wanted to do it in a church, because some how marriage only felt real to me if done in a church. I was searching for something real. We found a baptist church to attend. We really liked the Pastor, but the whole church going experience was very intimating. When we arrived that first day it was a whirlwind of people sucking onto us. It was very overwhelming. When we were invited to the Pastors home, a sprawling half million dollar home I found myself plagued once again. I am not kidding when I say his home was twice the size of the church and a lot more modernized. We didn't last long, in the church or in the marriage.
About a year ago my life started spiraling. All the plans I had made that I thought were going to last crumbled beneath my feet in a terribly sickening way. I was searching for something and after attending the funeral of a man I really respected, who was Catholic, I decided to give my roots another try. I went to a local church and sat quietly in the back. I cried through the whole service, even though I understood nothing of what was going on. I went to the library and picked up Catholism for Dummies, yes that is a real book. They have a Dummies guide for everything. I began reading about the religion I came from and learned quickly that although Catholics will forgive nearly any sin, they still leave you tarnished and in a way, unworthy. I would go only when I needed to be close to God, but because of the judgement, guilt and scrutiny I felt (even though no one talked to me) I ultimately could not get into it and could not open my heart to it.
A few months back I felt stuck in a series of circles in my life, in my love, in my work, in pretty much every aspect of my well being. I felt like I was going up the down escalator and as such I was getting nowhere. Aching for more and not knowing how or where or who to get that from, I posted on my Facebook that I was stuck and tired of being stuck. My friend Lori responded with a video short from her church about a new series they were starting called Momentum. She invited me to join her, and I said yes. Followed by when. We went back and forth a few times on which of the four weekend sermons I wanted to attend. She paused and said, if we can't figure out this weekend we can meet for next weekend. I said no. Now. I needed to go then, something was pulling me and I knew I couldn't wait. So I showed up and suddenly things made sense. They explained the bible in a way that finally made sense. It seemed to scream out application in my life today. Plus there was a kind of energy that seemed to bleed into me. I haven't been able to stop going. It seems to complete me. Fills a piece of me in a way that people cannot. I love the lessons and I love being inspired to share and believe and serve others in my life and my community.