Thank You, I Miss You

It's 3:36 in the morning. I haven't slept. I am crying. I miss you way more than I should, way more than I expected and possibly more than I want to.

I have spent the night stalking your Facebook. I was reading your statuses, old and new, and finding myself even more connected to you than I ever did before.  You are so inspiring to me. I am not used to other writers. I am not used to seeing the words of another and observing the age of a soul older than the body. Every word you wrote as you took the journey to who you are today, are all words I wish to remember about you always.

They are words that open my own heart and soul. Open me to the pain, to the risk, to the rewards.

One of the first things I told you the night we met was that I was destined to meet you. That you had a message for me, a message for my own journey through life. Tonight, reading your words in print, messages of your soul not specifically intended for me, I find myself feeling a completeness that I hadn't known was missing. 

I feel like I have known you for my whole life. You believe in me, and encourage me, completely unselfishly. You push me gently to follow my dreams, to believe I am truly what you see in me. You see me in a way that I know most others do not. You see me for where I am going, for who I want to be, and for all the potential I have burning behind my eyes. You've made me realize that nothing in my past matters, there is nothing special or profound or amazing from those experiences that are making me who I am today. I am who I am because that is who I want to be.

Through every conversation we have shared I have sat in awe, smiling, full of complete love for you. Each time we have hung up or left one another I have thanked God for our friendship, for leading our paths to cross and giving us the wisdom to listen to our souls encouraging this friendship that we've both been committed to. I am so thankful and I know we have built a foundation that will keep our friendship thriving even as our paths physically split.

But I still miss you.

I feel safe with you, despite my desire to resist it, deny it, run from it. I miss you because I can't just show up on your doorstep and get a hug when my day is crashing into me. I can't just lay on your living room floor listening to music, tears falling as I am lost inside myself. It's not about hanging out or talking or anything, other than knowing for right now there will be only phone calls to keep our friendship alive. A friendship I want and need because somehow you see inside me, you see all the truths I attempt to deny. You help me understand my denials, accept my truths, and share myself with reckless abandon. After all, what's the good of having wings if I refuse to use them to fly?